Some Day I Might Know My Heart
by jazzman31
Summary: Just some Waith goodness. Rating mostly for language, we all know how much I love to swear.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Title: Some Day I Might Know My Heart**

**Author: jazzman31**

**Rating: M **

**Warning: This is a femme slash fic. If you do not like this type of fiction, then you shouldn't read it**

**Summary: Well, this is sort of a song fic, because I can. And well, because James Morrison writes really awesome songs. This one is titled "You Give Me Something." I hope that you all enjoy this fic. This is set post Chosen, and completely AU, doesn't follow season 8.  
**

* * *

_You only stay with me in the morning  
You only hold me when I sleep_

I immediately sensed that something was amiss, or rather something was different. My body was waking up, one sense at a time starting with my sense of touch. I was wrapped up in a warm embrace, naked of course, and I could feel the sun warm my face through the blinds. Next was my sense of smell, and I could smell the most beautiful smell of perfume mixed with sex, and something that was just uniquely her. My hearing kicked in next, and I could hear the steady beating of her heart, and the slight falter in her breath when I shifted against her. I watched her sleep, taking in her flame colored hair, her pixie features, those lips that bring so much pleasure. My gaze traveled downward, and I had to lick my lips at the sight of her breasts smashed against my own. There was still a faint hint of her essence on my lips, and I smiled softly at that before I disentangled myself from her embrace.

_I was meant to tread the water  
But now I've gotten in too deep_

I am definitely not used to waking up with someone still in my bed after a long intense night filled with orgasms, but damn if I didn't enjoy it a bit with her. This was only supposed to be sex, only supposed to be something we did at night, and she was supposed to be gone in the morning. I am not supposed to have feelings for the redheaded witch in my bed, but I do. I am in way over my head, and I kinda like it. I watch as her eyes flutter open, when she finally notices that I am not coming back to bed.

_For every piece of me that wants you  
Another piece backs away_

She smiles that damn breathtaking smile of hers, and I almost return it. I can feel her tugging on my heartstrings, but I can't let her win; I will only end up hurt when it's all over. I give her the look, and I know that she was expecting it, but every time she sees it, it always takes her off guard. She tries to be understanding, but she's only human there is only so much a person can take. I make myself scarce as she gathers her clothes, and prepares herself to leave. I want to stop her before she leaves, and she always pauses hoping that I will tell her that she can stay. I never do, but that doesn't mean that she'll give up. It isn't in her to give up.

_You give me something  
That makes me scared alright_

"Wait," I say barely above a whisper as her hand reaches for the door.

She stiffens, and stops, but doesn't turn around. I'm glad that she is facing away from me, because I am not sure I will be able to say what I need to say with her looking at me.

"I uh, made you a key, and well, I was thinking that if you wanted, you could maybe move your things in," I say as I stare at the floor in front of me, watching my red painted toes dig into the carpet in my apartment. "I'm no good at this kind of thing and to be honest it scares me, but…"

_This could be nothing  
But I'm willing to give it a try_

"I mean, we could end up hating each other, but I kinda want to give it a go, you know? The old college try?" I go for a joke, and I see movement from the corner of my eye, and I hold my breath

_Please give me something  
Because someday I might know my heart_

She took my fidgeting hands into her own, and brought them to her lips. She kissed each before she pulled me to her.

"That is all I ever wanted, Faith," she whispered against my neck, as a single tear dropped onto my shoulder.

_You only waited up for hours  
Just to spend a little time alone with me_

It was around two in the morning, when I finally stumbled into the apartment that I had been sharing with Willow for the past two months. I would like to say that I have never been happier, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I try to move as quietly as possible, because I know that she has a big test in a few hours, and I want to make sure she gets her rest. I took up a second job so that I can save up to buy her a motorcycle. She loves to ride my old Harley, but I can tell she wants her own, and her little Beetle does the job for now, but it is more for when we go grocery shopping. I sat at the table and cleaned my knife, I had killed a demon on the way home from work, and it had green blood. After that was done, I tiptoed into the bedroom and got naked.

"Faith," she whispered from the bed.

"Hey, babe, go to sleep, I'm just gonna shower, be done in a few," I told her as I walked softly to the bathroom.

"I waited up," she said, as she joined me in the shower. "Because I haven't seen you in a while, what with you working, and finals taking away all of my time. I missed you," she whispered against my neck as she washed my back. "Besides, every time that I have seen you lately, we have not been alone, and I desperately wanted to get you alone so that I could show you…"

"Show me what?" I asked, knowing full well what she wanted to show me, as her hand slid between my legs.

"How much I missed you," she said, as she began to circle my clit with the tip of her index finger.

"Let's take this to the bed, Red, there are things I want to do that are best done lying down," I said, as I turned to face her before lifting her up.

She turned the shower off with magic, as I carried her to our bedroom. Never thought that I would consider the place to be ours, but I do now. Her hint of girliness has infected the place so much, that it isn't just mine it is ours.

"Faith," she moaned as I slid inside of her with our favorite harness.

I wanted to be able to fill her, while being able to touch her. I wanted to go easy on her, because I knew that she had an important test to take in a few hours, and I didn't want her to miss it. For some reason things that are important to her have become important to me. Weird.

_And I can say I've never bought you flowers  
I can't work out what they mean_

Valentine's day came and went, and she didn't once complain that I had forgotten, had not done anything to acknowledge the holiday. I had told her going in that I didn't do romantic gestures, that they were just days to me. I did, however cook dinner for her. I ran her a nice bath, and even gave her a massage after dinner. She fucked my brains out in return. I told her that I drew the line at chocolates and flowers to which she replied;

"Flowers make me itch, and chocolates make me fat."

I had laughed, and so had she, before we proceeded to fuck each other senseless.

_I never thought that I'd love someone  
That was someone else's dream_

I just lay in the bed holding her, staring off into space. Thinking about what I had done to deserve such an amazing woman's love. I never thought that I could ever love someone, not after the shit I have seen and done, but here I am in love with this gorgeous woman.

_You give me something  
That makes me scared alright_

"Can't we work this out?" she asked, as I continued to pack my things.

"I can't Red, I tried, but I can't do this," I tried to explain.

"Can't or won't. Don't give up, we have been together for a year, and all of a sudden you can't? I don't buy it for one second missy," she said. "Do you know what I think, I think you're just scared. For once in your life you are truly happy, and in love, and that scares the shit out of you."

I stopped short in my actions of packing, and looked long and hard at her, before I collapsed into a fit of tears. I was tired of fighting it, tired of lying to myself and especially tired of lying to her.

_This could be nothing  
But I'm willing to give it a try_

She walked over to me reluctantly, and wrapped her arms around me. She rocked me while she whispered sweet nothings in my ear, telling me it would be okay, that she would be here no matter what and when I was finally ready to accept our love, she would welcome me with open arms.

_Please give me something  
Because someday I might call you from my heart_

We sat in silence for a while, after my tears subsided. We crawled into the bed and slept an exhausted sleep. I held her tightly the whole night.

_But it might be a second too late  
And the words that I could never say  
Are gonna come out anyway_

"I love you," I whispered in her ear, as I held her lifeless body against me.

Help was on the way, and I was applying pressure to the wound, but the blood was still seeping out.

"Don't you dare leave me, you bitch, I fucking love you. There I said it, are you happy? I finally fucking said those three words, that you have been waiting to hear from me for three fucking years. And look at you lying there not hearing them, not saying them back. How could you? Why did you come? Didn't I tell you to stay at home?" I screamed at her, and I felt B walk up behind me.

"Faith, the ambulance is here, you have to let her go," B said, she didn't dare touch me.

She had seen what I had done to the demon who had stabbed Willow with his knife for a hand.

I didn't move, but I looked over at the medics. One gave me a reassuring look, and readied his hand to resume holding pressure on Red's shoulder.

"If she dies, you die," I told him softly.

He just nodded, and put his hand on mine as I slowly moved it from her body.

I hopped on my Harley, and raced after the ambulance. I am her emergency contact, I know her history, I know everything about her. I parked my Harley, and raced into the ER, only to be stopped by a nurse. I spouted out the information she needed, and then began pacing the floor.

"Miss, would you like some fresh clothes?" a nurse asked me.

I looked down at my tattered and bloody pink t-shirt with "Willow" written across my breasts, and a picture of a Willow tree beneath it. She had given it to me for my birthday, saying that I could have her on me wherever I went. I had smiled at that and kissed her sloppily in front of the whole gang.

"No," I said.

"Will you at least let me tend to that gash on your forehead, and the one on your side?" she asked, and I lifted my hand to my head.

I looked at the blood smeared on my hand, and nearly panicked.

"It isn't my blood," I told her.

"Okay, but here's the thing you're scaring everyone here, I either have to ask you to leave or get changed and cleaned up."

"Fine," I said, and gestured for her to show me where I could change.

I showered in the tiny stall, and changed into a pair of green scrubs. When I emerged a doctor was in the waiting room talking to B and the G-man.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Are you Faith?" he asked.

"If you don't have good news, you had better start running," I told him.

He gave me a double take, and took a cautious step backwards.

"She is stable, but she's lost a lot of blood, and will most likely be in a coma," he said softly.

"Where is the good news?" I asked.

"She will live," he said.

_You give me something  
That makes me scared alright  
This could be nothing  
But I'm willing to give it a try  
Please give me something_

This is exactly why I hadn't wanted to get involved with anyone. Because they die. I can't handle that. If she dies, the demon world will hurt. I bummed a cigarette off some guy outside, and smoked it slowly. Three weeks, she's been in a coma for three weeks. I have been here everyday, but I needed some fresh air. The doctor said that her chances of waking up this week were good, because her brain activity had increased. I walked back inside to the gift shop, and picked up the daily flower for her. Upon returning to her room, I noticed a small group had formed outside of it, and my heart sank to my knees.

"Please be okay," I whispered to myself, and whoever else was listening.

I walked in, and saw the most wonderful sight I had ever seen, her bright green eyes were open, and when they landed on me they grew wide, and a faint smile played on her lips. I rushed to her side, only for my legs to give out as soon as I reached her. I cried, into her hair, and she tried to calm me.

"Don't you ever do that again," I growled at her.

"I promise, I won't," she whispered, her voice a little scratchy from lack of use.

_You give me something  
That makes me scared alright  
This could be nothing  
But I'm willing to give it a try  
Please give me something  
Because someday I might know my heart_

"Faith, come back to bed," she called to me from the bed to my perch on the window seat in our luxurious hotel in the Bahamas.

"In a minute, babe," I told her, as I took a few more moments to take in the beauty of the island before me.

I felt her draw nearer to me, and I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips. I sighed contentedly, when her arms snaked around my waist, and her breasts burned against my back.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked against my ear.

"How lucky I am to have someone like you in my life," I said, before I turned to kiss her softly.

"That's funny, because I was just thinking the same thing," she whispered, as I lifted her up and carried her back to the king-sized bed that Giles had requested for us.

"I love you so much," I told her while I looked into her eyes, as I hovered above her.

"I love you too," she whispered, as I took her left hand and kissed the engagement and wedding band there.

"Promise me that you'll always be patient with me while I figure my heart out," I whispered against her lips.

"Always," she promised, before she sealed the deal with a kiss.

In that moment I knew that I had nothing more to be afraid of, and it was a damn good feeling.

_Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart_

* * *

Okay so I know that was a bit on the fluffy side, but I have been holding onto that one for a while. Read and review please. I might even have an update for SOme Kind of Wonderful soo, never know, pigs could fly.


End file.
